I'm Still Standing

Just a quick note to let everyone know I'm still around. I have been taking care of family business. Now I have the stinking rotten flu..even my eyelashes hurt. Stay tuned I have many stories to share. Miss you and blogging.

Flim at 11!

Just watched the local news.....We have a woman who didn't stop for police because she was driving topless to surprise her boyfriend. I guess the surprise was on her and wonder how many extra patrol units came to answer that call. 

Second top story is you get to PAY an airline to potentially wait LONGER for your bags. You just can't make up our news sometimes, even if you tried.

Don't You Hate It When,,,

That moment when you realize your dress is on backwards...

A.  Then u turn it around and like
It better when it was backwards :) 

B.  and been wearing it inside out all night?

C.  And you laugh your ass off because it's funny.

D.  Just make your grand entrance backwards :)

E.  All of the above.

Barbie and Ken Saga

The further adventurers of the Ken and Barbie gang...as you know yesterday found them swimming in and using up all the hot water in my bath tub.. This morning ..

They all ganged up on me this morning,,..Ken,... Barbie and assorted friends were laying on a beach towel on the bathroom floor. I went to use the bathroom without turning on the light and tripped and fell head first into the tub They scatted off everywhere..I heard laughter as they retreated and regrouped...I will sleep with one eye open tonight.

  I just noticed my bath salts have gone missing..dun..dun.DUN...

New Olympic event...synthetic coed synchronized floating?

Just had to evict Ken and Barbie from the bathtub..

at least they weren't skinny dipping this time.

 

 

You Sunk My Battleship

A husband and wife who are friends of my sister and her husband came over to visit them. My sister sat in the house with the wife as the husband joined my sisters husband out on the back deck. The deck area faces the pond and boat dock in the backyard. As the men folk were sitting and what we like to refer to as joe jocking..  they kept hearing pings. At first sisters hubby thought the sound was acorns falling on the roof.  He then noticed ripples in the pond near his boat. As he watched he heard and saw that the pings were the sound of something hitting his boat. He walked down the dock and looked in the direction of his neighbor three doors down. The guy had a BB gun and was shooting it at hubby's boat.

"Hey Doug what the hell are you doing?" hollered Hubby. " my grandchild was just here swimming."


 "Hey Ron is that your boat?" screamed Doug.

"You sure as hell know it is Doug"

Ron saw red. If you know anything about my brother in law it is this when he sees red you are dead.

Ron went into the house and climbed the stairs to the bedroom. As he descended the stairs my sister noticed out of the corner of her eye that he was carrying his 22 gage shotgun. She did not think anything of it because he is a retired police officer, retired military and avid hunter. She just thought he was going to show off his gun to his friend because he was leaving in a few days to go hunting. She quickly got a clue when next she heard the boom of his gun and the 22 short round going off.

Ron had stepped onto the dock and aimed a round right at Doug's engine of his boat.

"Hey Doug is that your boat?" "
 "..keep it up and I'm gonna sink your boat"

Doug's wife then pipped in "Hey Ron you think you can hit those beer cans on the floating dock?" On the floating dock Ron noticed that there was a stack of six cans made into a pyramid."

Quickly Ron answered "Only if Doug balances them on his head."

Venting and I Don't mean the Dryer Kind

You threw my mother away ..like a crumpled up waded tissue that had been used by you so many times before.

Was she not two ply and soft enough for your giant ego?

She was good enough for you to use over and over..worn thin from your hands.

How do you sleep at night..oh that's right the devil never sleeps..he lies awake and waits and plots others demise.
 
You waited and counted down the days till you got what you wanted..must of felt like when we were kids and you couldn't wait till Christmas morning. No you never liked to wait you would sneak a peek at the presents before hand..I could tell you were ready no sooner then she had taken her last breath and her body was cold being taken away from her home. You got busy..ripping her clothes from there hangers..throwing possessions into piles..pocketing what you thought was valuable..you already had an auctioneer lined up..how clever your mind works..did your own dirty work..got your blood money..

You tossed and turned her world upside down with each item she owned being weighed and valued in your devious mind.

How dare you even touch her rosary did it burn your hand as you slid it into your thieving pockets?

After not seeing or talking to me for years you made a special trip and gifted me with a letter hand delivered by you. Yes the letter ..DNR do  not resuscitate  our mother.. I say this to you .I have a DNR placed upon my feelings I once had for you.  Do..Not.  resuscitate my love I once had for you..it has slowly died over the years as I watched and heard tell of your conniving ways.
 
Yes there will be a Catholic mass and yes to the question that you asked..

YOU will have to knell down to GOD.

You are not a man you are not a brother,you are not a son, you are not love. God is watching for you see just like the devil...God does not sleep..

Insensitive

                       Insensitive.
 
My brother dropped by my sister house unannounced. With him was his ten year old grandson. My sister greeted them and took the grandson to the back yard to look at the  pond and talk to him about fishing. A few minutes later my brother came out and told the grandson it was time to go. She asked why and was told that they needed to go home and shower because they had just come from playing tennis. Sister thought oh they just needed a drink of water it was just a pit stop but nice to see the grandson.

At the door my sister told them goodbye, my brother then turned around paused and from over his shoulder he said " oh by the way Moms on your coffee table. For one fleeting moment of a mind dealing with grief sis thought oh wow mom is here. Reality quickly set in as our brother said " yeah do whatever you want with her, spread her ashes around the pond." She went in side and found a black shoebox size box from the funeral home. The box was half hanging off the table. My God how can someone be so insensitive?

My sister took the box and placed it with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a photo in a frame of Jesus.

She texted me and sent me the photo. I called and told her " You know you can't write these things, our life is a comedy a deep dark comedy." 

I am now planning a nervous breakdown for sometime in the near future. I have not throughout the last week and her death even cried..I am numb.

My What Big Eyes You Have

My sister is the only one I can talk to for hours on the phone..hang up and then text each other for hours...God I just love her.


 She just texted me a photo of our mom wearing a fake nose sunglasses and a mustache.... I laughed till I peed.. ( sadly mom passed away 6 days ago ) let this be a warning to us to get rid of incriminating photos before our kids find them. Here's the photo I have never seen of my Mom before today.

 YES that is my Mom with a fake nose, glasses and a  mustache!

Then the texts start back and forth between us:

Me: Was Mom Jewish? ( no offense to anyone please I pick on everyone evenly )

Sis: Is this what happened to her nose the day she grabbed a tissue and a bee was in the tissue and it bit her nose.

Me: Is she Jimmy Durante?

Sis:  Is that  Peruvian Natural Wavy hair on her lip?

Me: Who's the transvestite next to her?

Sis : Mr Magoo is missing some glasses

Me: did our brothers draw the mustache and glasses on her photo?

Me: I can not stop laughing hysterically laughing and tears are rolling down my face now I can't see to text..

Sis: Might be a good thing you can't see.

Me: I think I have post traumatic stress// or is it dramatic stress

Me: mom's eyes look very squinty do we have any Chinese in us?

Sis: The only Chinese we have in us is the chow mien I just ate.

Sis: What has been seen, can not be unseen.

Me:  I am going to frame this photo in that God awful photo frame she gave me and put it on my nightstand. so I can think of her everyday and laugh. ( the Story of the photo frame and pics of it will be coming soon for you all to enjoy trust me you don't wanna miss it)

 

 

 

 

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

 

                      Children 



 I love those moments..for instance the morning I received the phone call that my mom had just passed Lilly my three year old grand daughter woke up came to the outside door . I sitting watching the dawn break in the sky. Lilly said good morning I want to ride my bike. I thought "girl it's 6am!" I looked at her and said " YES! Let's do this!" off we went down the road and around the block in the still quite of the awaking dawn light. This was a wonderful moment and a great way to take away my pain..a bad memory turned as golden as the light of a new day..