Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Out of the Mouths of Babes...
Children
I love those moments..for instance the morning I received the phone call that my mom had just passed Lilly my three year old grand daughter woke up came to the outside door . I sitting watching the dawn break in the sky. Lilly said good morning I want to ride my bike. I thought "girl it's 6am!" I looked at her and said " YES! Let's do this!" off we went down the road and around the block in the still quite of the awaking dawn light. This was a wonderful moment and a great way to take away my pain..a bad memory turned as golden as the light of a new day..
Monday, July 16, 2012
Tell Her..
Death and birth. I have often wondered about both. Both make you wait and come in their own due time. They both bring tears and joy. You know that suffering has ended with death and you eventually feel joy knowing that your loved one has gone home to the heavens. Birth brings hope back into your life. Both bring you the knowledge that your life will be forever changed.
As I awoke this morning I stepped outside. I took the time in this rush..rush world to stop and really look around me. All of my senses were alert. I heard the call of the nesting birds in my tree. I noticed that my flowers in my garden had opened their blooms for the first time. I smelled their heavenly aroma. I gazed up at the dawn of a new day and noted the crescent moon and Jupiter and Venus had put on a show for me. The song my mother always sang to me came into my head..Would you like to swing on a star..carry moonbeams in a jar... I sang it all day.How many times had I walked out that door and never really seen what was always in front of me? I had the privilege of sensing this wonder called life. I paused and prayed and I knew. I knew that today would be her last on this earth. I went on with life off to work and home, her my mother constantly on my mind. She was with me as I greeted the children at daycare. I felt it in their hugs today which seemed to be extra bountiful. I sang her songs in French to them. I felt love. She is taking her last breaths as I speak..I am in that room with her in spirit. The sky just opened up and heavy rains are soaking up the earth. My tears mingle with them. I text my sister and tell her to hold her and softly whisper in her ear...I love you and want you to know that I have always been proud to call you my mother. Tell her..I will be okay till we meet again as I am assured that we will. Tell her this as I am for sure she can hear my words..there is no goodbye because there is just no good in bye. Wait for me..I will see you later. I love you Mom.
As I awoke this morning I stepped outside. I took the time in this rush..rush world to stop and really look around me. All of my senses were alert. I heard the call of the nesting birds in my tree. I noticed that my flowers in my garden had opened their blooms for the first time. I smelled their heavenly aroma. I gazed up at the dawn of a new day and noted the crescent moon and Jupiter and Venus had put on a show for me. The song my mother always sang to me came into my head..Would you like to swing on a star..carry moonbeams in a jar... I sang it all day.How many times had I walked out that door and never really seen what was always in front of me? I had the privilege of sensing this wonder called life. I paused and prayed and I knew. I knew that today would be her last on this earth. I went on with life off to work and home, her my mother constantly on my mind. She was with me as I greeted the children at daycare. I felt it in their hugs today which seemed to be extra bountiful. I sang her songs in French to them. I felt love. She is taking her last breaths as I speak..I am in that room with her in spirit. The sky just opened up and heavy rains are soaking up the earth. My tears mingle with them. I text my sister and tell her to hold her and softly whisper in her ear...I love you and want you to know that I have always been proud to call you my mother. Tell her..I will be okay till we meet again as I am assured that we will. Tell her this as I am for sure she can hear my words..there is no goodbye because there is just no good in bye. Wait for me..I will see you later. I love you Mom.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Chaos
Here I sit writing. A million thoughts are running through my head. As of late my life has been complete chaos. Where oh where do I begin to tell the story? I think that it all began to unfold three months ago. I remember the date March 17, 2009. On St. Patrick's Day I began the day bringing my youngest daughter Kendra home from the hospital. Kendra had just given birth to my youngest grand baby. A beautiful little girl named Lilly. I had already planned to take the week off to be home with them both. Little did I know at that moment that fate had other plans for me.
We all got home and settled down to be ready to take care of the new baby. It was at this time that I noticed a severe pain between my left ribs and hip bone. I tried to ignore this pain hoping that it would dissipate. The pain began to get worse and I thought maybe it was another ovarian cyst. I laid in bed with my daughter and slept for a short while. The pain overtook me and I awoke me from my sleep. I thought a hot bath would help. I hurt so bad at this point that I climbed into the tub fully clothed. As I was sitting in the tub I leaned over and began to throw up into the toilet. My daughter came in and looked at me and asked what was wrong. I told her of my pain and told her to call her brother to take me to the emergency room.
What was I thinking? We are of Irish decent and St. Patty's day is like our Christmas. My son the true green Irish man that he is had spent the night drinking and was in no position to come and rescue me. My daughter wanted to call 9-1-1 but I would not let her. We called a neighbor and she came and took me to the hospital. I had to wait a few hours in the waiting room. At some point my neighbor got pissed off at my wait and demanded that I be taken into a room. I think my throwing up in their office trash can convinced them to take me next.
When I got into the e.r. room the first thing that did after taking my medical history was to do a e.k.g. They quickly ruled out a heart attack. At this point I was now experiencing excruciating pain.I have a very high tolerance for enduring pain. I had three babies and two of those births were completely natural with no drugs at all. The pain that I was experiencing was worst then giving birth. The hospital could not give me anything for pain until they could figure out what they were dealing with. My oldest daughter was called and could not leave her three young children at home, so she sent her husband over to be with me.
The next test ordered was a c.t. scan. I had to drink two thick nasty tasting milkshakes that would illuminate my insides for the c.t. scan. As if that wasn't bad enough I had to wait another hour for the radioactive drink to travel my digestive system and not throw up or it was back to square one. At last the time came for the test. While in the c.t. scan room the tech surprised me with yet another yummy milkshake to drink. I sucked that awful stuff down in record time because I knew once I got the test I would be able to get something for the pain. After the test I was then sent back to the e.r. room. A sweet angel of mercy arrived and plunged a needle full of dilaudid into my i.v. Dilaudid is considered to be somewhat faster-acting and about eight times stronger than morphine and about three times stronger than heroin on a milligram basis. I was able to get some release from the pain.
I was moved to the trauma room to wait. My son in law showed up. The nurses kept coming in and out every fifteen minutes to take my blood pressure. My reading kept falling lower and lower. At this point I was still in pain and was screaming for more drugs. At one point ( I was told days later) I screamed at my son in law to get me roofies . I haven't a clue what they are but I wanted some. ( I later found out that roofies is a knock out drug ) My son showed up at this point and took over my care. The doctor came in to tell us that I had diverticulitis. Diverticulitis is a pocket of infection (abscess) that forms in the abdominal cavity. The inflammation or infection then may spread to the membrane that covers the inside of the abdominal wall, causing peritonitis. This infection in turn may spread to other parts of the body (sepsis). My son questioned why I wasn't in a room upstairs and was told that I was to unstable to take the trip up the elevator.
I knew I was dying, I felt my life slipping away. I could see my body in it's curled up fetal position laying on the table. I couldn't talk but I could hear what was being said. I sensed that I was in a tunnel. As I looked at myself the light was getting dimmer, as I looked in the other direction the light was getting brighter. I felt no pain. I thought no thoughts. I was at complete peace. A peace that I have never experienced before or would probably never know again. Sweet reprise from pain and suffering.
The very next thing that I was aware of was waking up the next night in my hospital room and the pain was back. I was treated with two different strong antibiotics and there was talk of doing surgery. I spent the next five days in the hospital and the antibiotics did the trick. I was sent home to recover with more antibiotics and a visiting nurse. As time went by I resumed my normal life. I have been busy helping to raise my grand daughter, working full time, and back in college working on a degree in special education. You might ask why is she sharing all this private medical information. My answer is that I do so to share information with you the reader. Take care of your body and listen to it, eat right, reduce your stress and keep your doctor's appointments. One last thought life is all about love please be kind to everyone who crosses your path. What if this was your last day on this earth; how would you want to be remembered?
We all got home and settled down to be ready to take care of the new baby. It was at this time that I noticed a severe pain between my left ribs and hip bone. I tried to ignore this pain hoping that it would dissipate. The pain began to get worse and I thought maybe it was another ovarian cyst. I laid in bed with my daughter and slept for a short while. The pain overtook me and I awoke me from my sleep. I thought a hot bath would help. I hurt so bad at this point that I climbed into the tub fully clothed. As I was sitting in the tub I leaned over and began to throw up into the toilet. My daughter came in and looked at me and asked what was wrong. I told her of my pain and told her to call her brother to take me to the emergency room.
What was I thinking? We are of Irish decent and St. Patty's day is like our Christmas. My son the true green Irish man that he is had spent the night drinking and was in no position to come and rescue me. My daughter wanted to call 9-1-1 but I would not let her. We called a neighbor and she came and took me to the hospital. I had to wait a few hours in the waiting room. At some point my neighbor got pissed off at my wait and demanded that I be taken into a room. I think my throwing up in their office trash can convinced them to take me next.
When I got into the e.r. room the first thing that did after taking my medical history was to do a e.k.g. They quickly ruled out a heart attack. At this point I was now experiencing excruciating pain.I have a very high tolerance for enduring pain. I had three babies and two of those births were completely natural with no drugs at all. The pain that I was experiencing was worst then giving birth. The hospital could not give me anything for pain until they could figure out what they were dealing with. My oldest daughter was called and could not leave her three young children at home, so she sent her husband over to be with me.
The next test ordered was a c.t. scan. I had to drink two thick nasty tasting milkshakes that would illuminate my insides for the c.t. scan. As if that wasn't bad enough I had to wait another hour for the radioactive drink to travel my digestive system and not throw up or it was back to square one. At last the time came for the test. While in the c.t. scan room the tech surprised me with yet another yummy milkshake to drink. I sucked that awful stuff down in record time because I knew once I got the test I would be able to get something for the pain. After the test I was then sent back to the e.r. room. A sweet angel of mercy arrived and plunged a needle full of dilaudid into my i.v. Dilaudid is considered to be somewhat faster-acting and about eight times stronger than morphine and about three times stronger than heroin on a milligram basis. I was able to get some release from the pain.
I was moved to the trauma room to wait. My son in law showed up. The nurses kept coming in and out every fifteen minutes to take my blood pressure. My reading kept falling lower and lower. At this point I was still in pain and was screaming for more drugs. At one point ( I was told days later) I screamed at my son in law to get me roofies . I haven't a clue what they are but I wanted some. ( I later found out that roofies is a knock out drug ) My son showed up at this point and took over my care. The doctor came in to tell us that I had diverticulitis. Diverticulitis is a pocket of infection (abscess) that forms in the abdominal cavity. The inflammation or infection then may spread to the membrane that covers the inside of the abdominal wall, causing peritonitis. This infection in turn may spread to other parts of the body (sepsis). My son questioned why I wasn't in a room upstairs and was told that I was to unstable to take the trip up the elevator.
I knew I was dying, I felt my life slipping away. I could see my body in it's curled up fetal position laying on the table. I couldn't talk but I could hear what was being said. I sensed that I was in a tunnel. As I looked at myself the light was getting dimmer, as I looked in the other direction the light was getting brighter. I felt no pain. I thought no thoughts. I was at complete peace. A peace that I have never experienced before or would probably never know again. Sweet reprise from pain and suffering.
The very next thing that I was aware of was waking up the next night in my hospital room and the pain was back. I was treated with two different strong antibiotics and there was talk of doing surgery. I spent the next five days in the hospital and the antibiotics did the trick. I was sent home to recover with more antibiotics and a visiting nurse. As time went by I resumed my normal life. I have been busy helping to raise my grand daughter, working full time, and back in college working on a degree in special education. You might ask why is she sharing all this private medical information. My answer is that I do so to share information with you the reader. Take care of your body and listen to it, eat right, reduce your stress and keep your doctor's appointments. One last thought life is all about love please be kind to everyone who crosses your path. What if this was your last day on this earth; how would you want to be remembered?
Sunday, January 18, 2009
It's A Beautiful Day!
It’s A Beautiful Day!
I began today with three hours sleep. My brat had kept me up all night with what is known as Braxton- Hicks contractions. My daughter is seven months pregnant with her first child. She is a single, doing it on her own first time mother to be. Around 2 a.m. she crawled into bed with me. I was still awake blogging, emailing, texting and talking on the phone with Rick L. Whenever my baby girl does not feel well she has a habit of crawling in to bed with me. This is not a problem I love her and enjoy her company. She had a stressful day and I think this might of lead up to her not feeling well. She just needed a little o’ fashion dose of Momma. Eventually we both fell asleep around 5 a.m.
At 8 a.m. my good friend Sue called to remind me she would be right over to take me to church. Hey, what the heck free coffee and doughnuts gets me all the time. Today was the first time that I attended Sue’s church. I met three of her good friends and had a great time. I will be attending this church from now on.
I arrived home to find my son and his wife moving furniture for me. I have been asking for their help for awhile now. I am very pleased to say that my living room no longer resembles a storage unit. Mission accomplished.
Next on my agenda was a shopping trip to purchase a gift for myself. You see I am having a birthday in a few days and I wanted to make sure I got what I wanted. I bought a fabulous new Katy Von Zeeland purse. I have been lusting after one of her purses for six months now. Thank you kids! The bill is coming to your house. (After last year’s fiasco with not getting the PINK bike, I made sure I got what I wanted!)
I have saved the best for last. I also made my son make sure that my PINK bike was put together. My baby Rick L. made my dream of a PINK bike come true this year. (He never disappoints me, and always surprises me) Thank You Ricky! I jumped on my PINK bike and took it for its maiden voyage. I love my PINK bike and I love you baby! I hope that your day was just as beautiful as mine was. I can’t wait for to wake up tomorrow and see what the new day brings.
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