Despicable Me?

I so want to get back at my poor excuse  of a brother for the way he is disrespecting my mother and her possessions, house at this time of her death. Her body was barely cold and as soon as it left the house he got busy. Throwing things away piling things up. Ripping her clothes of their hangers. Trashing her photo albums of his siblings. Seems he already had an auctioneer set up to come over and pay him blood money.

I have been given the honor of writing and reading my mothers eulogy . What I would like to say and what I am going to say are two different things. I will honor my mother and live with the grace and dignity she instilled in me.

I secretly want to put pictures of him and his first wife on the tribute cd. You see his second wife doesn't know that she is second best. He has denied that he has even had another life to this wife. He has helped raise four daughters of hers while denying an only child of his own. He also has grandchildren that he has never taken the time to acknowledge.  His daughter and grandchildren come from yet another woman.  So you see throwing things away comes easy to him.

No I will take the higher road and be my mothers daughter for after all God is watching. I can sleep at night. ..but can he?


Note*    I debated posting this. I felt at first that I just needed to get it up..get it out.. Get it on paper and get over it. But..in light of some new despicable actions on his part I have decided to post this.

Marsha...Marsha..Marsha!

Drew the shot end of the stick once again. Yeah..let's get Carrie to do it. (all kidding aside if you dont really know me know this:i like to use humor to defeat pain)I have been honored with the task of writing my mother's eulogy. (why oh why did I get the talent of writing along with being the cutest one. I had always wished to have been an artist like my sister and mother, but then again I probably would have been commissioned to paint.) so it is with great honor that I take on the task at hand. Love and peace xox

For Mom

You can feel the love in this photo..the reason I and my sister and brothers were brought into this life..the answer to why you my children exist ..and why I have so many loves in my life that I call grandchildren..LOVE is the answer to everything.



A limb has fallen from the family tree.
I keep hearing a voice that says, "Grieve not for me.
Remember the best times, the laughter, the song.
The good life I lived while I was strong.
Continue my heritage, I'm counting on you.
Keep smiling and surely the sun will shine through.
My mind is at ease, my soul is at rest.
Remembering all, how I truly was blessed.
Continue traditions, no matter how small.
Go on with your life, don't worry about falls
I miss you all dearly, so keep up your chin.
Until the day comes we're together again.
Author Unknown


My mother lost her fight with cancer on July 17 at 4:44 a.m. My oldest brother was with her and held her hand as he was reading from the bible out loud. My mom had been in a coma for the past day and night she was between both worlds. She did not respond to pain. At 4:30 am she opened her eyes and looked towards the ceiling in her bedroom, a glorious smile on her face. She closed her eyes and went home to heaven.

I immediately received the phone call glanced at my clock and noted it was 4:44. This is what it means when you see "444"- whether on the clock (4:44), a license plate,a sign,the Internet,a bill,just anywhere-it is "a sign of the power of God's love," according to the book by Nick Bunick,author of In God's Truth. In Doreen Virtue's book Angel Numbers, she describes the meaning of the number combination 444 as," Thousands of angels surround you at this moment, loving and supporting you." May your life be full of 444. Peace & Love

Tell Her..

Death and birth. I have often wondered about both. Both make you wait and come in their own due time. They both bring tears and joy. You know that suffering has ended with death and you eventually feel joy knowing that your loved one has gone home to the heavens. Birth brings hope back into your life. Both bring you the knowledge that your life will be forever changed.
As I awoke this morning I stepped outside. I took the time in this rush..rush world to stop and really look around me. All of my senses were alert. I heard the call of the nesting birds in my tree. I noticed that my flowers in my garden had opened their blooms for the first time. I smelled their heavenly aroma. I gazed up at the dawn of a new day and noted the crescent moon and Jupiter and Venus had put on a show for me.  The song my mother always sang to me came into my head..Would you like to swing on a star..carry moonbeams in a jar... I sang it all day.How many times had I walked out that door and never really seen what was always in front of me?  I had the privilege of sensing this wonder called life. I paused and prayed and I knew. I knew that today would be her last on this earth. I went on with life off to work and home, her my mother constantly on my mind. She was with me as I greeted the children at daycare. I felt it in their hugs today which seemed to be extra bountiful. I sang her songs in French to them. I felt love. She is taking her last breaths as I speak..I am in that room with her in spirit. The sky just opened up and heavy rains are soaking up the earth. My tears mingle with them. I text my sister and tell her to hold her and softly whisper in her ear...I love you and  want you to know that I have always been proud to call you my mother. Tell her..I will be okay till we meet again as I am assured that we will. Tell her this as I am for sure she can hear my words..there is no goodbye because there is just no good in bye. Wait for me..I will see you later. I love you Mom.

Soft Whispers

My twin brother has a new puppy. The dogs  name is Butch. He was named after our cousin who has passed away. Butch is an English bulldog pup. While visiting my Mom who is close to dying the dog was left in the backyard. The dog dug a hole and found this eight inch statute of an angel.










On the same day I stepped on this pin of an angel which got embedded in my shoe.

   I think I have got an answer to my question about knowing my Mom will be okay when she leaves this earth. Thank you Jesus!

After Life..

As my father lay on his deathbed my son came to visit him. Before my son entered the room we had a conversation. I let my son know that if there was anything he wanted to say or know this was the time to ask his grandpa. My son conveyed to me that he didn't feel comfortable asking. So he asked me to ask my dad to contact my deceased husband John and tell him that he loved him and to ask John to send a sign. I repeated  the message to my father. Three days later my father passed away. I was staying at my sisters house. The morning after my fathers death I received a panicky phone call from my son. "Mom..Mom your not going to believe this I just got a weird message in my voice mail, I am going to forward it to you." I dialed my voicemail and heard the following "This is Johnny grandpa told me to call.  My knees went weak as I heard that message....the voice sounded just like my late husbands...yes it was a wrong number but it was the right message.

I am thinking of my mom today as she slips closer to death. When it happens I pray for a sign from her.

Things To Make One Wonder

Mom told me that a man sang to her all night long. I asked what song and she said he just sang. I spent the next day with my mom and at one point she asked me 
"Did you hear that?" "Music" she whispered wide eyed. I walked around the house listening and could find no music. 


On the third day my mother confessed to seeing a little girl in her room. At first she was afraid to tell me.  She began by saying 
" You know that place between being asleep and fully awake? "  " yes mom ". she whispered ,"Well I don't want two men in white coats showing up at my door" her eyes grew big with fear as she continued, " I saw a little girl". My inquiring mind asked "Who was she mom"? " "Just a little girl",she answered.

I could sense my mothers fear and quickly assured her that God comes in all forms and she must not fear what she saw.

My sister and I were talking and we think that maybe it was herself as a child that she was seeing.  That answer didn't seem to make sense to me. As we talked it came to me maybe it was an angel. My sister  and I would both like to agree to this line of thinking.

I talked to one of her hospice workers. This particular lady has been taking care of many people over the last thirty years. When I told her about my mothers encounters her face lit up with a big smile. She said " it's her angels, and I have heard of these happenings many, many times. They are preparing her to move on".  Her words brought serenity to my breaking heart.

Happy 4th of July

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Buzz

Got a little extra buzz from my drink today. Can I get a shot of Benadryl on the side?

Up Up and Away...

Got to love Southwest Airlines as I got off my flight in Orlando I was greeted with ...Hi Welcome to Chicago .. Haha I had to think for a moment just where was I? without missing a beat I said, Gee thanks I almost thought I was on the wrong flight! 

  I had just spent an hour on the ground in Baltimore..so I had a moment of doubt ..I laughed as it made my day. Then as I was walking in the airport I fell on my ass so I guess I'm home...