Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Zombie Apocalypse Alert

For people who post about Zombie Apocalypse plans all the time, none of you seem very concerned it just started in Miami.

 I've used bath salts many times. Even enjoyed the relaxing moment in the hot water. Never thought about eating anyones face off.

This crazy zombie thing is really annoying me.. the guy took too much bath salt (and/or other type drugs)and went apeshit I'm sure it was just a dare by all his other nekkid homeless zombie buddy's on bath salts...Hope they are not coming this way or are they already here? Just go check out the internet on other stories news out there on people on bath salt.. evil stuff.... some are just as shocking.. i'm not gonna go out and buy up a bunch of guns and build a damn fort around my house...good grief... it's gotten outta hand. Some people have watched one too many zombie movies, next it will be vampires.

I am holding hope that by the time the stupid people get eaten, zombies will be full.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Happy Memorial Day

Dragging your comforter and pillow out to the couch shows the 3 day weekend that you mean serious business about being lazy.
All I need now is a pair of those Pajama jeans.

He's Bacccccccccccck

Woke up this morning and sat in my chair outside with my coffee. My pre-dawn peace was interrupted by  the noise of  my large trash can being knocked over. Out pops Mr. Raccoon from the tumbled over trash can. I jumped up to run to the door grabbing my cup of coffee first. It's all about saving the coffee.  Here's the story of my first encounter with Mr. Raccoon:

So how was your Friday the 13th??

Mine began at the butt crack of dawn. I walked outside in the still darkness of night. I saw my cat jump onto the roof of my car and began to call him, all of a sudden he stood up on his hind legs. That should of been my first clue. Upon walking closer to my car I then realized that it was not my cat! What I saw before me was the biggest ugliest raccoon that I have ever seen. The raccoon was trying to use my car roof as a jumping off stage to deposit himself into the near by trash can. I threw my water bottle at him and missed. He jumped off the car and began to stalk me. I picked up a rake and tried to fend him off. I had to be at work and open the building on time. I ran back into the house to get more ammunition. I came back outside with a can of mace and a pan and spoon to make as much noise as possible. I jumped into my car and hurriedly locked the doors. ( duh! like he could get in, I was not going to take any chances ) I did make it to work on time. Might have to call the city to get a trap as I do not want another surprise..surprise..surprise ever again..

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Eye See You

Wish that I could run my two fingers over my eyes to make the print bigger just like I do on the IPad..wouldn't that be great..no more eyeglasses. Wait a minute oh yeah it's called Lasik...

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Pay It Forward People

I want to thank a young man who made sure that my pregnant daughter and young granddaughter made it safe to their destination today. My daughters car kept stalling out and this young man with a small child in his car pulled up to her and noticed she needed help. He suggested that he follow her and keep his emergency lights on so no one would smash into her. He drove miles out of his way to do so. Thank you for your random act of kindness. Your Mother should be as proud of you as I am. You have renewed my trust in mankind. You drove off before my daughter could thank you..but Karma knows where to find you...thank you!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Sunday Drive

In the south there is an unwritten code among the genteel southern woman. One should never leave the house without being fully coiffed, for one never knows whom they might run into down at the local Piggly Wiggly. With that being said I made sure to fully adorn my self in my Sunday best.
I slid into my " pimp my ride please" 1995 Happy Honda and headed out. There is nothing better than the lure of the traditional Sunday drive.
I leisurely drove through what is known to us common folks as " the richie  rich" neighborhood of Winter Park, Florida. As my car bumped along over the cobblestone streets I took in the surrounding scenery. Towering canopies of  live old oak trees draped with chandelier Spanish moss. Behind the trees that line the streets are hundred year old mansions where lifestyles of the rich and famous are dreamed about.
As I approached the golf course country club where it meets the historic cemetery I paused my car at the four way stop sign. I took this pause in time to text my sister who was following in the car behind me. Without fully looking up I proceeded to move forward. I immediately slammed on my brakes. For a moment I experienced  being snow blind. A light whiter than white gleamed off the exposed backside of a shirtless man as he jogged in place in front of my car. My first thought was who the hell jogs anymore? I watched as he hiked up his smaller than Richard Simmons short-shorts which had slipped down. He turned his head to look me in the eye. I noticed a enormous orange-red afro which was sporting a 1980's sweat band. ( think the video Let's Get Physical here ). His eyes locked mine and I noted the extreme arched thin eyebrows reminiscent of Marlena Dietrich .
Oh my God! It's Carrot Top !!! I  I almost mashed him with my car.
I pointed my finger at him and he returned the favor as he jogged on.  I grabbed the phone and called my sister who confirmed my sighting. I was relieved to know that had I hit him the southern ladies had nothing to fear because I followed the code and was properly attired for an interview with both the police and the paparazzi.