Sunday, July 29, 2012

You Sunk My Battleship

A husband and wife who are friends of my sister and her husband came over to visit them. My sister sat in the house with the wife as the husband joined my sisters husband out on the back deck. The deck area faces the pond and boat dock in the backyard. As the men folk were sitting and what we like to refer to as joe jocking..  they kept hearing pings. At first sisters hubby thought the sound was acorns falling on the roof.  He then noticed ripples in the pond near his boat. As he watched he heard and saw that the pings were the sound of something hitting his boat. He walked down the dock and looked in the direction of his neighbor three doors down. The guy had a BB gun and was shooting it at hubby's boat.

"Hey Doug what the hell are you doing?" hollered Hubby. " my grandchild was just here swimming."

 "Hey Ron is that your boat?" screamed Doug.

"You sure as hell know it is Doug"

Ron saw red. If you know anything about my brother in law it is this when he sees red you are dead.

Ron went into the house and climbed the stairs to the bedroom. As he descended the stairs my sister noticed out of the corner of her eye that he was carrying his 22 gage shotgun. She did not think anything of it because he is a retired police officer, retired military and avid hunter. She just thought he was going to show off his gun to his friend because he was leaving in a few days to go hunting. She quickly got a clue when next she heard the boom of his gun and the 22 short round going off.

Ron had stepped onto the dock and aimed a round right at Doug's engine of his boat.

"Hey Doug is that your boat?" "
 "..keep it up and I'm gonna sink your boat"

Doug's wife then pipped in "Hey Ron you think you can hit those beer cans on the floating dock?" On the floating dock Ron noticed that there was a stack of six cans made into a pyramid."

Quickly Ron answered "Only if Doug balances them on his head."

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Venting and I Don't mean the Dryer Kind

You threw my mother away a crumpled up waded tissue that had been used by you so many times before.

Was she not two ply and soft enough for your giant ego?

She was good enough for you to use over and over..worn thin from your hands.

How do you sleep at night..oh that's right the devil never sleeps..he lies awake and waits and plots others demise.
You waited and counted down the days till you got what you wanted..must of felt like when we were kids and you couldn't wait till Christmas morning. No you never liked to wait you would sneak a peek at the presents before hand..I could tell you were ready no sooner then she had taken her last breath and her body was cold being taken away from her home. You got busy..ripping her clothes from there hangers..throwing possessions into piles..pocketing what you thought was already had an auctioneer lined clever your mind works..did your own dirty your blood money..

You tossed and turned her world upside down with each item she owned being weighed and valued in your devious mind.

How dare you even touch her rosary did it burn your hand as you slid it into your thieving pockets?

After not seeing or talking to me for years you made a special trip and gifted me with a letter hand delivered by you. Yes the letter ..DNR do  not resuscitate  our mother.. I say this to you .I have a DNR placed upon my feelings I once had for you.  Do..Not.  resuscitate my love I once had for has slowly died over the years as I watched and heard tell of your conniving ways.
Yes there will be a Catholic mass and yes to the question that you asked..

YOU will have to knell down to GOD.

You are not a man you are not a brother,you are not a son, you are not love. God is watching for you see just like the devil...God does not sleep..

Thursday, July 26, 2012


My brother dropped by my sister house unannounced. With him was his ten year old grandson. My sister greeted them and took the grandson to the back yard to look at the  pond and talk to him about fishing. A few minutes later my brother came out and told the grandson it was time to go. She asked why and was told that they needed to go home and shower because they had just come from playing tennis. Sister thought oh they just needed a drink of water it was just a pit stop but nice to see the grandson.

At the door my sister told them goodbye, my brother then turned around paused and from over his shoulder he said " oh by the way Moms on your coffee table. For one fleeting moment of a mind dealing with grief sis thought oh wow mom is here. Reality quickly set in as our brother said " yeah do whatever you want with her, spread her ashes around the pond." She went in side and found a black shoebox size box from the funeral home. The box was half hanging off the table. My God how can someone be so insensitive?

My sister took the box and placed it with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a photo in a frame of Jesus.

She texted me and sent me the photo. I called and told her " You know you can't write these things, our life is a comedy a deep dark comedy." 

I am now planning a nervous breakdown for sometime in the near future. I have not throughout the last week and her death even cried..I am numb.

Monday, July 23, 2012

My What Big Eyes You Have

My sister is the only one I can talk to for hours on the phone..hang up and then text each other for hours...God I just love her.

 She just texted me a photo of our mom wearing a fake nose sunglasses and a mustache.... I laughed till I peed.. ( sadly mom passed away 6 days ago ) let this be a warning to us to get rid of incriminating photos before our kids find them. Here's the photo I have never seen of my Mom before today.

 YES that is my Mom with a fake nose, glasses and a  mustache!

Then the texts start back and forth between us:

Me: Was Mom Jewish? ( no offense to anyone please I pick on everyone evenly )

Sis: Is this what happened to her nose the day she grabbed a tissue and a bee was in the tissue and it bit her nose.

Me: Is she Jimmy Durante?

Sis:  Is that  Peruvian Natural Wavy hair on her lip?

Me: Who's the transvestite next to her?

Sis : Mr Magoo is missing some glasses

Me: did our brothers draw the mustache and glasses on her photo?

Me: I can not stop laughing hysterically laughing and tears are rolling down my face now I can't see to text..

Sis: Might be a good thing you can't see.

Me: I think I have post traumatic stress// or is it dramatic stress

Me: mom's eyes look very squinty do we have any Chinese in us?

Sis: The only Chinese we have in us is the chow mien I just ate.

Sis: What has been seen, can not be unseen.

Me:  I am going to frame this photo in that God awful photo frame she gave me and put it on my nightstand. so I can think of her everyday and laugh. ( the Story of the photo frame and pics of it will be coming soon for you all to enjoy trust me you don't wanna miss it)

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Out of the Mouths of Babes...



 I love those moments..for instance the morning I received the phone call that my mom had just passed Lilly my three year old grand daughter woke up came to the outside door . I sitting watching the dawn break in the sky. Lilly said good morning I want to ride my bike. I thought "girl it's 6am!" I looked at her and said " YES! Let's do this!" off we went down the road and around the block in the still quite of the awaking dawn light. This was a wonderful moment and a great way to take away my pain..a bad memory turned as golden as the light of a new day..

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Despicable Me?

I so want to get back at my poor excuse  of a brother for the way he is disrespecting my mother and her possessions, house at this time of her death. Her body was barely cold and as soon as it left the house he got busy. Throwing things away piling things up. Ripping her clothes of their hangers. Trashing her photo albums of his siblings. Seems he already had an auctioneer set up to come over and pay him blood money.

I have been given the honor of writing and reading my mothers eulogy . What I would like to say and what I am going to say are two different things. I will honor my mother and live with the grace and dignity she instilled in me.

I secretly want to put pictures of him and his first wife on the tribute cd. You see his second wife doesn't know that she is second best. He has denied that he has even had another life to this wife. He has helped raise four daughters of hers while denying an only child of his own. He also has grandchildren that he has never taken the time to acknowledge.  His daughter and grandchildren come from yet another woman.  So you see throwing things away comes easy to him.

No I will take the higher road and be my mothers daughter for after all God is watching. I can sleep at night. ..but can he?

Note*    I debated posting this. I felt at first that I just needed to get it up..get it out.. Get it on paper and get over it. light of some new despicable actions on his part I have decided to post this.

Friday, July 20, 2012


Drew the shot end of the stick once again. Yeah..let's get Carrie to do it. (all kidding aside if you dont really know me know this:i like to use humor to defeat pain)I have been honored with the task of writing my mother's eulogy. (why oh why did I get the talent of writing along with being the cutest one. I had always wished to have been an artist like my sister and mother, but then again I probably would have been commissioned to paint.) so it is with great honor that I take on the task at hand. Love and peace xox

Thursday, July 19, 2012

For Mom

You can feel the love in this photo..the reason I and my sister and brothers were brought into this life..the answer to why you my children exist ..and why I have so many loves in my life that I call grandchildren..LOVE is the answer to everything.

A limb has fallen from the family tree.
I keep hearing a voice that says, "Grieve not for me.
Remember the best times, the laughter, the song.
The good life I lived while I was strong.
Continue my heritage, I'm counting on you.
Keep smiling and surely the sun will shine through.
My mind is at ease, my soul is at rest.
Remembering all, how I truly was blessed.
Continue traditions, no matter how small.
Go on with your life, don't worry about falls
I miss you all dearly, so keep up your chin.
Until the day comes we're together again.
Author Unknown

My mother lost her fight with cancer on July 17 at 4:44 a.m. My oldest brother was with her and held her hand as he was reading from the bible out loud. My mom had been in a coma for the past day and night she was between both worlds. She did not respond to pain. At 4:30 am she opened her eyes and looked towards the ceiling in her bedroom, a glorious smile on her face. She closed her eyes and went home to heaven.

I immediately received the phone call glanced at my clock and noted it was 4:44. This is what it means when you see "444"- whether on the clock (4:44), a license plate,a sign,the Internet,a bill,just anywhere-it is "a sign of the power of God's love," according to the book by Nick Bunick,author of In God's Truth. In Doreen Virtue's book Angel Numbers, she describes the meaning of the number combination 444 as," Thousands of angels surround you at this moment, loving and supporting you." May your life be full of 444. Peace & Love

Monday, July 16, 2012

Tell Her..

Death and birth. I have often wondered about both. Both make you wait and come in their own due time. They both bring tears and joy. You know that suffering has ended with death and you eventually feel joy knowing that your loved one has gone home to the heavens. Birth brings hope back into your life. Both bring you the knowledge that your life will be forever changed.
As I awoke this morning I stepped outside. I took the time in this rush..rush world to stop and really look around me. All of my senses were alert. I heard the call of the nesting birds in my tree. I noticed that my flowers in my garden had opened their blooms for the first time. I smelled their heavenly aroma. I gazed up at the dawn of a new day and noted the crescent moon and Jupiter and Venus had put on a show for me.  The song my mother always sang to me came into my head..Would you like to swing on a star..carry moonbeams in a jar... I sang it all day.How many times had I walked out that door and never really seen what was always in front of me?  I had the privilege of sensing this wonder called life. I paused and prayed and I knew. I knew that today would be her last on this earth. I went on with life off to work and home, her my mother constantly on my mind. She was with me as I greeted the children at daycare. I felt it in their hugs today which seemed to be extra bountiful. I sang her songs in French to them. I felt love. She is taking her last breaths as I speak..I am in that room with her in spirit. The sky just opened up and heavy rains are soaking up the earth. My tears mingle with them. I text my sister and tell her to hold her and softly whisper in her ear...I love you and  want you to know that I have always been proud to call you my mother. Tell her..I will be okay till we meet again as I am assured that we will. Tell her this as I am for sure she can hear my words..there is no goodbye because there is just no good in bye. Wait for me..I will see you later. I love you Mom.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Soft Whispers

My twin brother has a new puppy. The dogs  name is Butch. He was named after our cousin who has passed away. Butch is an English bulldog pup. While visiting my Mom who is close to dying the dog was left in the backyard. The dog dug a hole and found this eight inch statute of an angel.

On the same day I stepped on this pin of an angel which got embedded in my shoe.

   I think I have got an answer to my question about knowing my Mom will be okay when she leaves this earth. Thank you Jesus!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

After Life..

As my father lay on his deathbed my son came to visit him. Before my son entered the room we had a conversation. I let my son know that if there was anything he wanted to say or know this was the time to ask his grandpa. My son conveyed to me that he didn't feel comfortable asking. So he asked me to ask my dad to contact my deceased husband John and tell him that he loved him and to ask John to send a sign. I repeated  the message to my father. Three days later my father passed away. I was staying at my sisters house. The morning after my fathers death I received a panicky phone call from my son. "Mom..Mom your not going to believe this I just got a weird message in my voice mail, I am going to forward it to you." I dialed my voicemail and heard the following "This is Johnny grandpa told me to call.  My knees went weak as I heard that message....the voice sounded just like my late husbands...yes it was a wrong number but it was the right message.

I am thinking of my mom today as she slips closer to death. When it happens I pray for a sign from her.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Things To Make One Wonder

Mom told me that a man sang to her all night long. I asked what song and she said he just sang. I spent the next day with my mom and at one point she asked me 
"Did you hear that?" "Music" she whispered wide eyed. I walked around the house listening and could find no music. 

On the third day my mother confessed to seeing a little girl in her room. At first she was afraid to tell me.  She began by saying 
" You know that place between being asleep and fully awake? "  " yes mom ". she whispered ,"Well I don't want two men in white coats showing up at my door" her eyes grew big with fear as she continued, " I saw a little girl". My inquiring mind asked "Who was she mom"? " "Just a little girl",she answered.

I could sense my mothers fear and quickly assured her that God comes in all forms and she must not fear what she saw.

My sister and I were talking and we think that maybe it was herself as a child that she was seeing.  That answer didn't seem to make sense to me. As we talked it came to me maybe it was an angel. My sister  and I would both like to agree to this line of thinking.

I talked to one of her hospice workers. This particular lady has been taking care of many people over the last thirty years. When I told her about my mothers encounters her face lit up with a big smile. She said " it's her angels, and I have heard of these happenings many, many times. They are preparing her to move on".  Her words brought serenity to my breaking heart.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Sunday, July 1, 2012


Got a little extra buzz from my drink today. Can I get a shot of Benadryl on the side?

Up Up and Away...

Got to love Southwest Airlines as I got off my flight in Orlando I was greeted with ...Hi Welcome to Chicago .. Haha I had to think for a moment just where was I? without missing a beat I said, Gee thanks I almost thought I was on the wrong flight! 

  I had just spent an hour on the ground in I had a moment of doubt ..I laughed as it made my day. Then as I was walking in the airport I fell on my ass so I guess I'm home...