In the south there is an unwritten code among the genteel southern woman. One should never leave the house without being fully coiffed, for one never knows whom they might run into down at the local Piggly Wiggly. With that being said I made sure to fully adorn my self in my Sunday best.
I slid into my " pimp my
ride please" 1995 Happy Honda and headed out. There is nothing better
than the lure of the traditional Sunday drive.
leisurely drove through what is known to us common folks as " the
richie rich" neighborhood of Winter Park, Florida. As my car bumped
along over the cobblestone streets I took in the surrounding scenery.
Towering canopies of live old oak trees draped with chandelier Spanish
moss. Behind the trees that line the streets are hundred year old
mansions where lifestyles of the rich and famous are dreamed about.
I approached the golf course country club where it meets the historic
cemetery I paused my car at the four way stop sign. I took this pause
in time to text my sister who was following in the car behind me.
Without fully looking up I proceeded to move forward. I immediately
slammed on my brakes. For a moment I experienced being snow blind. A
light whiter than white gleamed off the exposed backside of a shirtless
man as he jogged in place in front of my car. My first thought was who
the hell jogs anymore? I watched as he hiked up his smaller than
Richard Simmons short-shorts which had slipped down. He turned his head
to look me in the eye. I noticed a enormous orange-red afro which was
sporting a 1980's sweat band. ( think the video Let's Get Physical here
). His eyes locked mine and I noted the extreme arched thin eyebrows
reminiscent of Marlena Dietrich .
Oh my God! It's Carrot Top !!! I I almost mashed him with my car.
pointed my finger at him and he returned the favor as he jogged on. I
grabbed the phone and called my sister who confirmed my sighting. I
was relieved to know that had I hit him the southern ladies had nothing
to fear because I followed the code and was properly attired for an
interview with both the police and the paparazzi.